WE: Women's Entertainment. I'm sure we're all familiar with this channel. For me, it's the one that I always pass by on my way to watch the Beeb. But lately, I've found myself stopping at this channel more and more. Why?
Because it's home to two of the most perfect examples of human garbage ever to grace the screen of a television: Crossing Over with John Edward and Bridezillas.
I am not a good judge of character by any interpretation of the phrase. If you're nice to me once, then I'm your friend for life. That's just the kind of fuckface I am. However, I do know when someone is making shit up in regards to hearing voices (or whatever the hell he hears in his head) from people that are dead. Not passed away. Not crossed over. Fucking dead. That's what they are. And because they're fucking dead, this means that they cannot communicate with Mr. Edward. Why? BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING DEAD.
Let's just go ahead and go against all logic and reason that has ever been established in the modern world for a brief second. What if he can hear dead people? This means that everything we know about science and the world around us is terribly wrong. And I mean terribly wrong. So, excuse me for being a skeptic to Mr. Edward's abilities.
And why the fuck can he hear everything the deceased is saying except for their fucking names? That's a pretty important part of process, if you ask me. Not once have I ever seen him say "Hi, I'm getting something ... Her name was Jenny!" No. Not ever. It's usually more like this:
Douchecunt: "I'm getting something ... Her name is ... Jen ... Jenny ... Janny ... Something like Jenny."
Clueless Fucking Idiot: "Her name was Jermaine."
Douchecunt: "Jermaine! Her name was Jermaine! That's what I needed to hear."
What the fuck? Not even 5 minutes later, he asks the woman for a picture of her dead mother that he's communicating with and he says that her mother has this to say about the said photo: "Not this one!"
Okay, so he can make out a phrase such as "Not this one!" but he just can't pin down a person's name.
And if you're going to put your faith into something like this and believe everything he says, then why not go ahead and believe in goblins? How about witches and ghosts? How about zombies?
I'd go on a rant about Bridezillas, but I'm too tired to attempt it. Maybe in an hour or so.